


you're like an ocean (and i'd surely love to drown)

by chorima



Series: it comes in waves [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Fluff, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Strangers to Lovers, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chorima/pseuds/chorima
Summary: Jeno is not too happy about being forced to go on summer vacation with his parents and their friends, in fact, he hates it. However, Jaemin is there to change his mind.





	you're like an ocean (and i'd surely love to drown)

When Jeno's parents told him their plans for the summer holidays, he definitely wasn't happy, and even though he has had something more than a month to get used to the idea of leaving his hometown for the entire break, he still isn't happy when he finishes packing his stuff, or when he sits on the backseat of his dad's car with a scowl on his face and his earphones blasting the loudest music on his phone.

The Parks, the couple who invited them to spend their break together on their beach house, have been friends with the Lees for as long as Jeno can remember, or even more – he has definitely seen pictures of his parents hanging out with them when they were young. They have a son that's younger than Jeno, Jisung, and they used to play together when they were little until Jeno entered the phase in which being friends with younger kids was considered lame. Ever since then, Jeno barely talks to Jisung, even when they are forced to have dinner together because their parents decided to meet up.

It's not that Jeno hates Jisung, not at all. But the kid is awkward and quiet, and after years of purposely avoiding and ignoring him in an attempt to look cooler, it is hard for Jeno to reconnect with him, so he has given up and continues to talk to him only when necessary.

During the whole trip there is only one thing in Jeno's mind, and that is how much he is going to hate his holidays. He already had plans with Renjun – they were going to make the most of the time before the older went to visit his family back in China: swim in the river, go to the arcade, get ice cream... – that were frustrated the moment his parents, who never ever went away on vacation, decided to take the Parks' offer. Now, not only is he not going to be able to see his best friend until they go back to school, but he also has to choose between spending the entire break either alone or with kids way younger than him.

He is glad he has brought his guitar with him.

 

The coastal town at which the Parks have their holiday house is beautiful, Jeno has to admit. The moment his mother shakes his leg to wake him up, announcing that they are close to their destination, the boy opens his eyes to meet the bright, blue sea. There is something about it that brings him back to his childhood, when his parents still went on trips with him and always got excited whenever they could spot the ocean. But he is so focused on hating everything about his vacation that he purses his lips, not letting himself smile.

Not even half an hour later, his father pulls up in a pretty neighborhood: most of the houses look the same from the outside, beige walls, a front porch and a garden at the back. Jeno can recognize the Parks' car in the driveway – his parents mentioned the other family was arriving earlier to set things up before they got there.

He stays inside of the car for a minute, staring at his phone. He has a few messages from Renjun wishing him a safe trip and reminding him not to be so grumpy, which make him smile a bit. Renjun always cheers him up.

"Come on, Jeno, help us get our things inside," his mother demands, and only then he gets out of the car, not without letting out a deep sigh, which earns him an exasperated look from his father.

He grabs his backpack and guitar case from the backseat of the car and leaves them by the front door, coming back to the car to get his suitcase too. In that time, Mr. Park has already opened the door and is greeting Jeno's father with a handshake and a brief hug.

"Be nice," Jeno's mom reminds him in a whisper, smiling and waving at the Parks.

Jeno bites the inside of his cheeks to repress another sigh. He really, _really_ doesn't want to be there, he doesn't want to pretend to be nice, to be grateful to his parents' friends for inviting them, to like their son. He wants to be back home, play Mario Kart and eat chips in the couch with Renjun while the air conditioner is on.

Mrs. Park welcomes Jeno putting her hands on both of his cheeks – gesture that he finds annoying and infantilizing, – a big smile on her face. "Look at how grown you are, Jeno!" She exclaims, pulling him into a hug. He wants to say something along the lines of "yeah, I'm not a 10 year-old anymore, stop treating me like one," but his mom told him to be nice, and he really doesn't want to deal with his angry parents on top of everything else, so he just awkwardly smiles back. Mr. Park, on the other hand, compliments his firm handshake, which should make him happy, being seen as a strong man, but doesn't: he couldn't care less about how the way those people see him.

The Park's vacation house has two floors: in the first one there is a huge kitchen with a dining table, a well decorated living room, a bathroom, and one of the three bedrooms. The second floor is where the two other rooms and another two bathrooms are. According to Mrs. Park, Jeno and Jisung will be sharing the bedroom downstairs. _Great_ , the boy thinks, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying it out loud.

Speaking of, he hasn't seen Jisung since they arrived. Not that he is complaining, the most time he has to himself the better, but he can't help but be curious about the younger's whereabouts. As if she had read his mind, Mrs. Park says, "oh, Jisung went out to meet his friends; he'll be back soon," and Jeno hums in response, acting like he wasn't wondering just that.

Their room looks like it's the smaller in the house, but it is as big – if not bigger – than Jeno's back home. There are two twin beds, a big bookcase full with a bunch of mangas that Jeno plans on checking out later, a built-in wardrobe and a desk right in front of one of the windows, with an old television on top of it and a few DVDs lying around.

To the long mental list of things he hates about this vacation, Jeno adds the fact that he has to unpack his stuff, which takes him a few hours because of his apathy. Even when his mother goes into the room to check up on him and tell him dinner is going to be ready soon, he doesn't bat an eye, despite having almost all of his clothes laying on his bed – or at least what he supposes is his bed, he really hopes Jisung isn't picky and makes him move to the other one.

"Come on, Jeno, you've had enough time to unpack and this still looks like a mess. What is Jisung going to think about you?" His mother scolds him, hands on her hips and a crease between her eyebrows. "Dinner is going to be ready soon, you better have this all sorted out by then or we'll have a talk."

Jeno rolls his eyes at her words the moment she turns around, but does as he is told anyway. He really wants to be left alone the most he can.

And as if it was some sort of joke from the universe, someone else enters the room a few minutes later. Jisung.

"Oh, hi, Jeno, here you are!" The boy says, bowing a little. He speaks quickly and doesn't make eye contact. Jeno responds with a simple _hey_. "Sorry I wasn't here when you arrived. I went to see my friends. You should meet them, if you want..."

"It's fine, Jisung, thank you." The older says with a small, tense smile on his lips, and the younger doesn't insist.

Jeno doesn't know how he manages to store all his clothes in the wardrobe in five minutes that go by between his mother's first and last visit to the room – maybe if he had tried to do it quickly in the first place, he could have done it as fast. Even though his guitar case is laying in the middle of the floor and some of the books he has brought for entertainment aren't carefully put aside, his mom seems pleased with him, because she doesn't mention it at all.

During dinner, Jeno is tense and uneasy. He is sitting between his mom and Jisung, and he avoids looking up from his food, or engaging at all in the ongoing conversation – he only speaks when he is asked. Jisung is also quiet, boucing his leg under the table, which makes the older nervous even if he tries not noticing it. He just wants to run away all the way back to his home, and the only reason he doesn't is the delicious food in front of him and, well, his parents.

Thankfully, his parents let him go back to the bedroom as soon as both him and Jisung finish their food, so he bolts out of the kitchen, not even waiting for the younger.

Jisung falls asleep almost inmediately once he lays down on his bed, but Jeno can't, tossing and turning in bed instead. Eventually he gets tired and grabs his phone, hoping Renjun is still awake – he is a night owl after all – so he can vent to his friend about how horrible his first day has been.

After a few messages, his eyelids start to feel heavy, and he doesn't even have time to send a text goodnight.

 

Over his first few days on vacation, Jeno has developed a routine that he follows every morning in order to avoid bumping into either his parents or Jisung and, so far, it has worked. He gets up early, grabs breakfast and exits the house without anyone being able to tell. Sometimes he'll bring with him some books, other times he'll prefer his guitar instead. In any case, he tries to stay occupied so he doesn't think about how much he hates the world, because according to Renjun, it isn't worth it – and if Renjun says it isn't, it must be true.

On the first day exploring the town, he realizes there isn't really much to do: there are a couple of bars, a convenience store and an arcade, nothing exciting. However, he still manages to get lost and arrive half an hour late to lunch, which earns him a scolding from his parents the moment the Parks aren't around, as if he had gotten lost on purpose (or had he?).

His favorite spot has to be the remote cove hiding between two cliffs, which isn't frequented by a lot of people due to its tough access – too many rocks, bugs and thorns. He usually goes there during low tide, as it is almost impossible to stay there when it's high, when he feels like reading with the waves crashing against the seashore as a background noise, or just when he is tired of everything and needs to relax – he has never meditated, but if there was an ideal place to do so, it would be that cove.

That's where he is headed now, holding the straps of his backpack to secure it while he carefully jumps from one rock to another, eyeing where he sets his feet before he does so. He has gotten up later than usual, but everything else has turned out the same as the previous days, so he is not as angry with himself as he would if his mother was around the moment he stepped a foot out of his room. Yeah, today he is in a good mood.

Or at least he was until he is finally getting past the rocks to the sand and he hears a voice screaming his name a few metres in front of him. When he raises his head to look at the source of said voice, he sees a group of people sitting on the sand by the shore, and one of them – blonde, tall and skinny – is waving at him. Jisung.

 _Well, shit,_ he thinks, letting out a deep sigh. He can't pretend he hasn't seen them or that he thought maybe it was a coincidence, and there was another Jeno there, they are teenagers, not stupid, and they are the only people in the cove: they wouldn't buy it for a second. So he gives up trying to find a way out of the situation and simply waves back as he walks towards them, forcing a smile to appear on his lips.

"Hi, Jeno!" Jisung exclaims once Jeno reaches the point where he and his friends – four other boys – are. "I didn't know you knew this place."

"Yeah, I found it a couple of days ago." He explains, looking around. "It's nice."

Jisung nods, still smiling. "Oh! Let me introduce you." He says, getting up, and then he shakes the sand off his denim shorts. "These are my friends: Mark, Chenle, Donghyuck and Jaemin." As he says the names, he points to each of his friends, who wave and smile at Jeno. "Everyone, this is Jeno."

"Nice to meet you!" they all say, somewhat at the same time.

"Same," Jeno quietly replies.

Jisung sits back down where he was earlier, which seems to be between one of his friends' legs, – was his name Jimin? – with his back resting against the other's chest. "So, what are you doing here?" The youngers asks, not willing to let Jeno go just yet.

"I just came to read."

"You can stay with us if you want," other of Jisung's friends offers, with a warm smile on his lips. He has a little bit of an accent that reminds Jeno of someone, put he can't quite put his finger on it. "We don't mind, right, Jisungie?"

"Of course not! Stay with us, Jeno!" Jisung adds.

Jeno bites the inside of his cheeks, trying to come up with an excuse to get out of this situation. But he was obviously going to the cove for a reason, and he can't just go back because he 'has fogotten something' and never come back, can he? It would be rude to decline, and uncomfortable to just sit a few metres away from them. He has no other choice.

"Yeah, sure," he accepts reluctantly, and sits down between Jisung and his friend, and the one whose name Jeno thinks is Mark.

To be honest, it's not that terrible. Jeno had pictured Jisung's friends to be annoying kids that only brag about their skills playing League of Legends and laugh at curse words. But after not even half an hour, Jeno finds out he has been completely wrong all this time and that, in fact, Jisung's friends are the type of people he would willingly hang out with back home. He can even picture Renjun having fun with them too. However, Jeno isn't going to give in that easily, admit that he was wrong and that he would like Jisung to invite him more often – he tries to repress the thought as soon as it comes into his mind, – because teenagers are stubborn and Jeno is no exception.

"So, Jeno, what do you do for fun?" Donghyuck asks, staring into his eyes like he is trying to reach his soul. "Apart from reading, of course."

"I-uh... Play the guitar." The other boy answers, breaking eye contact. Donghyuck was starting to make him feel uncomfortable.

"Really?" Mark chimes in, excited. "I play it too! Do you have yours here?"

Jeno gives him a little smile and nods.

"You all should bring them and play for us a little some day, then." Other of them says, Jaemin – not Jimin, Jeno learnt.

This time, it's Jisung who speaks. "It'd be cool! What do you say, Jeno, are you in?"

Suddenly, Jeno feels the weight of everyone's eyes staring at him, so what can he do? Refuse? He discards the thought, not wanting to be rude, and shrugs instead. "Sure," he says, and satisfied smiles appear on everyone's faces.

Even though he won't admit it, Jeno is having fun, so when Jisung says they should go back home for lunch because it's getting late, he is a little bit disappointed.

The group of boys won't stop joking around even when they are leaving the cove jumping from rock to rock, which causes Jaemin to scold Chenle and Jisung – _Don't push each other! You are going to get hurt, you dumbasses!_ He screams at the two younger boys, who are a little bit ahead of them, with worry painting his face, and Jeno finds it oddly adorable. Donghyuck and Mark are also in their own bubble, a few metres behind them. Jeno sees how Donghyuck has to help Mark up to the rock he is standing in and how they almost fall down due to Mark's clumsiness, making Donghyuck slap him on the shoulder.

They part ways with Mark, Donghyuck and Chenle first. Apparently, Jaemin lives in the same neighborhood as Jisung, so they walk with him.

It isn't hard to notice how fond of Jisung Jaemin is. Back at the cove, he wouldn't let the younger go away from him: not when they were sitting, not when they went back, after getting dangerously close to having an accident with Chenle. Now, on the way back home, the older has an arm around Jisung's shoulders, and speaks to him in a low, sweet voice, with a dumbfounded smile on his lips, and he listens to what Jisung says back to him like he doesn't want to miss any syllable. There is something about him that makes Jeno gravitate towards him, that makes him want to become closer.

They finally reach Jaemin's house and he waves goodbye.

"See you later, Nana!" Says Jisung.

"See you, Jisungie!" He replies, with his usual smile, and then turns to the other boy. "Bye, Jeno, very nice to meet you."

Jeno doesn't know why, but he suddenly feels heat in his face as he says goodbye.

They start walking again, and there is a weird atmosphere around them that makes Jeno want to arrive home as soon as possible. He hasn't thought about the fact that being a part of Jisung's group means, well, hanging out with Jisung too.

The younger breaks the silence, a little hesitant. "So, what did you think of my friends?"

"Uh... I-they are fine, yeah." Jeno replies. There is a silence that follows, and he somehow feels guilty, like he isn't putting the same effort as Jisung into keeping the conversation alive. So he just asks what comes first into his mind. "So, uh... You and Jaemin are like... a thing?"

Jisung looks at Jeno with a deep crease between his eyebrows, his eyes wide open and the corners of his lips curling down, before he bursts into a fit of laughter that makes him stop walking. "Wait, what? You really thought we were together?" He asks once he manages to stop laughing.

"I mean... I don't know!" Jeno asnwers, defensively. He was just trying to keep the conversation going, after all, not genuinely concerned about Jisung's love interests! "You were really touchy, backhugging and shit! Is it so wrong to asume?"

"It's just that Jaemin is clingy. We know each other since, like, forever. It's normal to me, I guess." Jisung explains, hands in his pockets while he walks with his eyes fixed on the sidewalk. "But why do you ask? Do you like him or something?"

Now it's Jeno's turn to look at the younger like he is crazy. "I've known him for like an hour, Jisung, I couldn't possibly like him."

"He probably likes _you_ , though." The other says, nonchalantly. "I've seen him stare. He's... Intrigued, let's say."

Jeno decides not to reply to that and ignore Jisung instead. He was being ridiculous, anyway. He would have noticed if someone stared, and that other guy was definitely not staring.

He is so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn't notice that's the closest to a normal, friendly conversation he has had with Jisung in years.

 

In the afternoon, Jisung asks Jeno if he wants to go with them to the arcade, but he declines. It is a hot day, so he prefers staying inside doing nothing than going out and melting in the sun. Besides, he had already promised Renjun to Skype him and talk for a while, catch up with each other and just hang out like they normally would, only with a distance between them.

While Jeno waits for Renjun to be available – he always has some errands to run for his parents, – he decides to lay on his bed and read the book he didn't have the chance to open that same morning.

An hour or so later, he hears the incoming call from his best friend, so he marks the page of the book is in and sets his computer on top of his legs while he is still comfortably sitting on the bed. He fixes his hair a little before answering the call.

"Hey!" Renjun greets him, waving enthusiastically. It's been a few days since they last saw each other, and it feels good to finally hear that familiar voice and see his face, even if it's pixelated.

Jeno has really missed Renjun, a lot, so it feels so good to talk to him again, face to face and not through text. It feels good to hear him talk about his own stuff – like he is really nervous about taking the plane to China tomorrow, because Renjun has never liked flying; or like how he is excited he is going to meet his cousins and beat them to the board games they usually play when they get together – because lately Jeno has been in too deep in his own problems and hatred towards his current situation, and it helps him take his mind off of it.

"So, did something interesting happen to you?" His best friend asks once he is done talking about how much he hates packing. "Did you find a mermaid or something?"

"Eeeeh... Nope. It's pretty boring here. I usually just go out with a book or my guitar. It gets old quickly, though." Jeno explains, absentmindedly. Then he remembers: that morning was different. "Today I hung out with Jisung and his friends."

"Wait, really?" Renjun obviously knows how Jeno feels about Jisung, so he is surpised, eyes wide and arched eyebrows.

"Yep. I was going to my favorite place and they were there. I don't know, I didn't want to be rude and when they told me to stay I did. They are actually pretty nice. But it was awkward, I don't know."

"Are you hanging out with them again soon?"

"Probably not."

"Why not? You just said they were pretty nice. Why would you choose to be alone and bored instead?"

"I just told you, Injun, it was awkward." Jeno insists.

"Of course it was! It's the first time you all meet!"

Jeno doesn't want to give in, but deep down he knows his best friend is right. Their relationship itself wasn't smooth sailing from the beginning.

"So, how are they? Anyone's cute?" Renjun asks, trying to change the subject a little bit, and Jeno snorts loudly.

"Jisung says one of them was staring at me the whole time, and that he probably likes me." He chuckles.

"Oooh, a summer romance, interesting." Renjun coos.

"What? No! I guess he's fine but, dude, I spent a morning with them, what kind of romance is that?"

Renjun hums quietly. "Love at first sight?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Jeno says, but he's smiling. "That doesn't happen in real life."

 

Despite trying to tell himself that he doesn't need Jisung's friends, Jeno ends up joining them more than once: they go to the arcade, or get juice at this shop near the beach that's always crowded. And he has fun, it is great having a group of people who are interested in the same stuff. It would all be perfect if it weren't for the fact that Jeno realizes that Jaemin indeed stares at him quite often.

He doesn't necessarily dislike it, it's just... unsettling, having someone's eyes fixed on you all the time. More than once they make eye contact, and the younger has the nerve to give him a sweet smile – sometimes even a wink! – and act all natural, as if nothing had ever happened.

Renjun laughs at Jeno when he tells him about it, a few days later after he started avoiding the group again. He says that Jeno is just not used to being hit on by pretty boys, and that he can't handle the attention well, that's why he hides.

Jeno doesn't even know himself. Perhaps his best friend is right, he is not used to it, he gets nervous, doesn't know how to respond, so he'd rather hide and avoid a situation in which he makes a fool of himself in front of someone he's attracted to. _Sounds like me_ , Jeno reluctantly admits to himself, biting the inside of his cheek.

It is a Friday night and their parents have gone out for dinner and drinks, so it means that he is alone again, which translates into being able to Skype Renjun without being interrupted.

"Listen, dude," Renjun says, in a quite authoritative way, "you have literally nothing to lose! Just flirt back, see how it goes... You don't have to see him ever again after this summer if you don't even want to, you know?"

Suddenly, Jeno feels a boost of confidence. "Maybe I will!"

The boy startles when he hears someone knock on the door, almost falling from his chair when he turns around to see who's there. It turns out to be Jisung.

"Hey, sorry I scared you," the younger apologizes shyly, "everyone's here for pizza and movies, maybe you want to join?" He offers.

Jeno has caught his breath again. "Uh, I'm kinda talking to someone right now, but maybe later. Thanks, Jisung."

"So, everyone's there and there's pizza and you still chose to stay here talking to me?" Renjun teases once Jisung closes the door again, not before giving Jeno a faint smile. "I thought you just said you were going to flirt back..."

"Shut up, I'm not ready yet! I didn't even know I'd see him so soon."

Eventually, Jeno has to leave the room to go to the bathroom. He manages to sneak in without dragging the attention to himself just fine, in fact, he thinks no one has seen him running from one room to another.

It is when he wants to go back that he stumbles upon Jaemin himself the moment he opens the bathroom door.

"Oh, hey, I didn't see you there, sorry." He apologizes quickly.

Jaemin smiles that charming smile of his. "No problem. How have you been, Jeno? I haven't seen you at all lately." Jeno stutters, his brain has frozen: he can't come up with any excuses in that moment; he wasn't expecting to encounter the boy in the first place, much less that he was so straightforward. Jaemin doesn't wait for an answer. "Jisung thinks you don't want to hang out with us and that makes him kind of sad. It's kinda sad for me too, you know. I wanted to get to know you."

"Wait, really?" Is all Jeno can say, frowning a little, and Jaemin lets out an airy laugh.

"Yup! Anyways, there is still some pizza left if you're hungry." The younger says, stepping into the bathroom, and before he closes the door, he looks at Jeno straight in the eye, a big, cheeky smile on his face. "Hope to see you around more often."

Jeno stays in the hallway a few seconds before he collects himself from the impact of the conversation and goes back to his room, where Renjun is waiting on his screen. He has to tell his best friend everything.

 

Nobody questioned Jeno when he started hanging out with the group again – Jaemin's "confession" had an effect on him, so he took the chance, just like Renjun told him, – and he was thankful he wouldn't have to give any excuses, because all that came to his mind sounded so obviously fake that he would have been caught the second he opened his mouth. In fact, everyone looked happy to see Jeno again, happy to have him join them, and soon he felt like he had always been one of them.

It is late in the morning when they have finished packing their stuff and exit the Park's vacation house.

Jeno still doesn't know how he's agreed to go camping with Jisung and the others and bring his guitar. Well, he does know: Jaemin. He hadn't stopped whining until the older finally gave in – "but Jeno, you said you would play for us, you promised," "okay, fine, I'll go just to make you happy."

According to them, every summer they spend a night together in the woods, they build a fire and eat marshmallows and all that cliché stuff that Mark supposedly introduced to the group years ago. They like to tease him for it, but Jeno can tell they genuinely enjoy going, because why would they keep doing it if they didn't like it?

After all those years going camping, they have reunited the things they need. As there are six of them, they still can use the three tents they usually bring with them: two of them belong to Mark, who always shares with Donghyuck and lends one to Jaemin, and the other one to Jisung, who shares his with Chenle – although this year he'll be sharing with Jeno instead. Each of them has their own sleeping bag, and Jisung has to lend Jeno an old one that nobody in his family uses anymore.

Jeno's back is starting to hurt from carrying his bag and his guitar, so when Jisung tells him to stop walking because they have finally arrived, he carelessly lets the weight fall off his shoulders into the ground with a thud, and then he dramatically sits down next to it, reaching for the bottle of water in his backpack.

Setting up the tents doesn't take long even when Jisung has to guide Jeno through every step, and in less than an hour everything is ready and everyone lays around the spot designated for the bonfire, recovering from the activity in the appalling summer heat, that only starts dying down as the sun sets.

Mark is the one to build the fire once the sky starts to darken and the summer breeze gets too cold for them. When it's ready, everyone sits in a circle around it, feeling the warmth from the flames crawl up their skin. The scene looks just like any summer camp movie: Chenle has brought two massive bags of marshmallows with him, and everyone eats while humming to the songs Jeno and Mark play on their guitars.

"I'm bored," Chenle chants at some point, resting his face on his hand. He lifts his gaze from the bonfire and stares right at Mark. "Mark, truth or dare?" He asks with a shit-eating grin.

Mark huffs, putting his guitar aside. "What are we, ten?" He retorts.

"Well, he is." Donghyuck responds, nodding his head in Chenle's direction. "C'mon, Mark, truth or dare?"

The oldest of them sighs loudly, knowing full well the rest of them won't give up until he chooses one. "Truth," he answers reluctantly.

"Do you have a crush on someone?" Chenle asks. He's now sitting with a straight back, paying attention to the older of the group with curious eyes.

Jeno doesn't have to be a genious to know what's going on: it has only taken a few times hanging out with the boys to notice the way Mark and Donghyuck act aroung each other, always teasing and flirting, and sometimes even forgetting they aren't alone. It is obvious to everyone, except maybe themselves, that they have something more than a friendship. (One time, hanging out at Chenle's house, Jeno even walks in on them kissing on the kitchen, and when he brings it up to Jaemin, the younger rolls his eyes, chugs the cola that's left on his glass and gets up.

"They have something weird going on. They are all flirty and shit, and sometimes they make out but neither of them have the balls to confess. Hyuck says it's nothing, but I know him: he likes Mark, and whatever shit this is, it's hurting him." Jaemin looks really annoyed by the whole situation, but his face relaxes in a smile when he looks back at Jeno and briefly caresses his cheek. "Anyways, don't mention it to Chenle and Jisung, okay? It's better if they don't know.")

"I actually like this girl, Sungyeon. I think I'm actually seeing her at the fair next weekend, so yeah. I'm excited, I guess." Mark finally replies.

Jeno discreetly glances at Donghyuck, who's gone uncharacteristically quiet, slouching over his knees and with his eyes focused on the ground. In a way, it makes Jeno feel bad seeing him like that: the boy is always the one to lift the mood, to joke around, to make the tension go away – when Jeno started hanging out with them, Donghyuck always tried including him, making him questions about himself or making sure their plans were okay with him. Seeing him get his feelings hurt isn't a good sight at all.

Jaemin seems to also be aware of the situation, so he's the one to speak up after spending a good minute staring at his friend. "Chenle, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"How many people have you kissed?"

The second youngest goes red and tries to hide his face and his possible feeling of betrayal, but everyone notices Jaemin has hit a weak spot, which makes them collectively go "uuuh," in anticipation for Chenle's answer.

"I changed my mind, dare," the boy says, waving both of his hands, without making eye contact with anyone.

"You can't back off, Lele," Donghyuck pressures him, apparently back to his usual self.

"Ugh, fine," he sighs, "I haven't kissed anyone yet, you happy now?"

Everyone breaks into laughter, and Jaemin hangs an arm around Chenle's shoulders, bringing him closer to ruffle his hair. "It's okay, Lele, it'll happen eventually," he says as a poor consolation.

Jisung is the next one to speak. "I have one! Jeno, truth or dare?"

Jeno turns to the youngest with a deathly stare, as he wasn't expecting to be picked. "Truth."

"I really want to know... Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Nope," Jeno answers simply.

"Really? You talk to that Renjun guy all the time." Jisung insists.

"Of course I do, he's my best friend." He retorts, a crease in between his eyebrows. Renjun and him have known each other for the longest time, and the thought of them both being anything more than friends even upsets him a little bit. He decides to shake it off, shaking his head; after all, Jisung doesn't know him that well, he could have gotten the wrong idea from all the Skype calls and the late night text messages.

They keep playing for a long time, getting secrets out of everyone and daring each other to do the stupidest things – Donghyuck dares Jisung to jump over the bonfire, much to Jaemin's dismay. They actually have fun even after labelling Chenle's idea as childish, and it makes Jeno feel closer to the rest, learning their secrets – and even letting them learn some of his.

It has gotten late, and the fire is dying down, when Mark suggests going to sleep. He and Donghyuck go into their shared tent, and Chenle says good night too before going into his. Jaemin is in charge of putting out the fire, and Jeno sticks around getting his guitar in its case. Before Jisung goes into his and Jeno's tent, Jaemin calls his name in a whisper.

"Hey, do you mind sleeping with Chenle?" He asks, in a low tone, and his lips begin forming a pout as Jisung shifts his gaze from him to Jeno, whose heart begins to race at a rate that he swears can't be good. Then the youngest nods shyly, getting his things to carry them to his new tent.

Jeno doesn't say a word, mostly because he feels that nothing but gibberish could come out of his mouth, but also because he's too busy trying to catch his breath. Ever since Renjun told him to go along whatever Jaemin was intending to do with all that flirting, everything and anything the younger does makes his heart flutter. Even though he tried and tried to flirt back, his attempts were lame and he cringes at the memories every night in bed while he waits to fall asleep.

At first Jeno just thought of Jaemin as another pretty boy, probably too full of himself to actually give a damn about anyone else. And by the way the younger approached him with smooth, sweet words, Jeno was right about to check that box; but after watching him interact with the other boys in the group, especially Jisung, Jeno discarded the idea. Jaemin is confident, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that (in fact, it is another charm added to the list), but it comes off as cocky when you don't spend more than two minutes watching him be. And Jeno sure as hell did spend more than two minutes on it, so he knows better than that.

Jaemin is sweet, and caring, and sometimes childish and cheeky to make things go the way he wants them to. He is funny and isn't afraid of standing up for himself. He is also smart, and comes up with good ideas and fun plans. Jaemin is much more than a pretty face, and Jeno's in too deep before he can realize it.

In the tent, Jeno lays down on his back next to Jaemin, tense and nervous. How is he supposed to be calm? He's going to sleep next to the guy he likes, there is no way in hell he can be calm. On the other hand, Jaemin is on his side, facing Jeno but with his eyes closed, his eyelashes caressing his cheebones, and notably more relaxed than the older boy.

"So," he whispers, "no boyfriend, huh?"

Jeno takes a deep breath and turns to face Jaemin. "Nope." He answers, scanning the other's face for a reaction. "Is that why you asked Jisung to switch tents?" He then asks, in a fit of bravery.

Jaemin lets out an airy laugh, snuggling into his sleeping bag. "Nah, it's just that Chenle snores a lot."

"Oh, really? How do you know I don't, then?"

"You're too cute to snore." Jaemin replies nonchalantly, and it makes Jeno choke on thin air, although he tries to cover it.

"You're dragging Chenle to hell and back right now, poor him."

"Shh, don't tell him." Jaemin whispers, extra low, with his index finger in the middle of his sleepy smile.

Going camping is all fun and games until the time to sleep comes by. It's not Jeno's first time sleeping in a tent, but he swears none of the times before that one were that uncomfortable. That's why, despite falling asleep fairly quickly, he wakes up several times to adjust his position into a more comfortable one in which his back doesn't feel like it's going to snap in half at any moment. One of those times, he's adjusting his sleeping bag when he hears Jaemin shivering. At first he stays still, not being able to identify the noise, but then he turns around and watches the other boy in the dark. Yeah, he is definitely shivering.

"Jaemin?" Jeno whispers. He doesn't know if the younger is awake, but how could he not? He was probably freezing to death. "Jaemin," he insists, and the other boy finally faces him, "are you okay?"

Jaemin doesn't stop trembling, even if it seems he's trying, which makes his body shake more violently, but he smiles at Jeno. "Y-yeah, d-don't worry. I-I'm j-j-just cold," he stammers.

Maybe it's the fact that it's late at night, or the lack of sleep, but the older doesn't think twice before speaking. "Come here," he says firmly, and slides down the zipper of his sleeping bag to open it for Jaemin to come in next to him.

"J-Jeno, really, i-it's f-f-fine."

"Don't be stupid, there's plenty of space in here and you're freezing to death. Come here."

Jaemin finally gives in and crawls into Jeno's sleeping bag, then covering both of them with his own to make sure he stops being cold for real.

"Fuck," Jaemin whispers, making himself comfortable next to Jeno, snuggling a bit closer to him, "you are really hot." And he must have noticed Jeno choke on his own spit at the comment, because he laughs a bit and adds. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Well, now I'm offended."

Jaemin laughs again, and this time Jeno joins.

"Do you want to not have a heart attack or to hear me say you're super hot?" Jaemin teases. "Choose wisely."

"Shut up, let's sleep." Jeno mumbles, suddenly back to his shy self.

"Okay, hottie, good night."

"Jaemin!"

 

When Jeno wakes up again, it's already morning and he can hear people talking outside his tent. He can also feel some weight on his chest and warmth on the left side of his body, so he opens his eyes, startled, to meet Jaemin hugging him, soundly asleep. His heart does a backflip inside of his ribcage, but there is something calm about the younger peacefully breathing, so instead of moving and waking him up, he stares for a while at the boy, feeling his chest go up and down against his side. Jaemin is so beautiful, Jeno can't help but run his left hand through his silky hair.

"Hey, Jaemin," he whispers carefully, trying to wake him up without startling him, "it's time to wake up."

The younger moves a little and stretches his arms before flopping again against Jeno's body. It takes him a second to realize he's hugging someone and to pull back, embarrassed.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." He blurts out, sitting up on the floor without making eye contact. Jeno has never seen Jaemin act like this, and he finds it endearing. It is also something he can tease him about later on.

"Don't worry, you looked comfy and I didn't really mind, so." He shrugs. "Did you sleep well?"

Jaemin looks at him out of the corner of his eye, and now the corners of his lips curl up a little. "Yeah, thank you for letting me cling to you, otherwise I would have probably woken up with a few toes missing," he jokes, and it actually makes Jeno laugh.

"Yeah, you would have. I'm such a life savior."

Jaemin dramatically takes both his hands to his chest, "my hero!" He exclaims in a high-pitched voice that makes them both burst into laughter.

Jaemin clears his throat once he manages to stop laughing, and then he looks at Jeno dead in the eye. "No, but really. Thank you, Jeno, I really was freezing, and it was sweet of you to let me sleep in your bag."

Jeno wants to say that it's not a problem, because it really isn't, he would have never found a better excuse to be so close to the younger otherwise, but the words get stuck deep down his throat when Jaemin leans in and lays a kiss on his cheek, brief but sweet.

And when the other boy smiles at him before getting up and opening the tent to get out, he just stays there, frozen, with his hand covering the place in which Jaemin's lips were a second ago.

 

Jeno is in the backseat of Mark's cousin's car, squished against the door and with Jaemin half sitting on his lap, half on the car seat. The weekend is already here, which means the fair has started, and everyone is excited for it: food stalls, rides, fireworks... Mark is also thrilled to see Sungyeon, who he has been constantly texting and talking about all week, which has Donghyuck in a constant state of tension, snapping at everything and everyone without thinking twice.

That's why when he is told to get in the backseat and let Chenle seat on his lap, he looks at the oldest like he is ready to rip his head off and says, keeping his cool against all odds: "I'll take the passenger's seat if you don't mind. _Actually_ , I don't care if you _do_ mind, I'll take it anyways, you carry Chenle in your lap, Mark."

Everyone laughs at the comment except Jaemin, who is by no means amused and rolls his eyes into his skull looking back at Jeno so only he can see it, and Jeno rubs circles in his hip, where he is resting his hand, trying to calm him down. Donghyuck has been ranting to him about Mark ever since they got back from their little camping trip, which causes Jaemin to rant to Jeno about them both, tired of being in the middle of them, tired of them ignoring his advice. And Jeno listens carefully to him get everything off his chest, and watches how his expression changes from the usual, which is cheerful, sweet, to a darker, more annoyed one. How a crease forms in between his eyebrows, how the light in his eyes goes away, how his lips curl down slightly, and how he is still beautiful no matter what. Jeno listens to him because thanks to Jaemin his summer is sucking a little bit less – so, so much less, – so it just feels right to do something in return, so whenever Jaemin starts apologizing for talking too much, he just smiles and tells him not to worry. ("Ugh, you're handsome _and_ you like listening to me vent? Where have you been my whole life?" Jaemin says once, and it makes Jeno's heart jump to his throat and his stomach to turn upside down.)

They finally arrive at their destiny, and Jeno gladly gets out of the car first, stretching his arms and legs, and Jaemin takes advantage of it and sneaks right next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and making Jeno rest his arm around his shoulders. He smiles at the older, bright and cheeky as always.

"Will you win me a plushie?" He asks, batting his eyelashes prettily.

Jeno hums, shrugging. "Perhaps, if you're good."

The younger lets out a laugh and tightens his arm around Jeno's waist while they walk towards the rides and Jeno avoids Jisung's judgemental look when they walk past him and Chenle.

The fair is fun, Jeno decides. They go to the bumper cars – and Chenle is terrible at them and gets hit all the time, mostly by Jisung, – and to the pirate ship and the tilt-a-whirl before getting some food from the stalls. At some point Mark disappears from the group and nobody questions it because they all know he has probably already found Sungyeon, so Donghyuck sticks to Jaemin and Jeno all the time, all moody and sulky. That's why some time later, Jaemin apologizes to Jeno for leaving him alone with Jisung and Chenle, a sad look on his eyes, and explains he's going to take Hyuck for a while to talk to him. Jeno brushes it off with the worst excuse of a smile, because he is in fact sad not to be with him for a while.

"I want to go to the pendulum!" Jisung exclaims, licking what's left of cotton candy from his fingers, and Chenle's face scrunches up, not happy with the idea.

"Jisung, you know I hate it!" He complains.

"You're a baby, I bet Jeno wants to go too."

"I don't care."

"Then we are both going, and Chenle can wait down here being a baby." Jisung concludes, earning a killing stare from the other.

And the pendulum ride is pretty fun, but it feels empty without Jaemin's excited and hysterical screaming next to him.

Once it's over, the younger boys want to get some more food and win some toys, so Jeno follows them around without really paying attention to either the conversation nor where he's walking, really. It's weird how much Jaemin's presence or absence affects his mood, he thinks. They have know each other for a few weeks, but he's already the protagonist in most of his thoughts.When he told Renjun about that, his friend laughed at him, stating that that was what having a crush on someone was supposed to do, and Jeno blushed at the word said out loud, but Renjun pretended not to notice and kept on asking him about the kiss in the tent, and suggested to confess on the ferris wheel when they went to the fair – "you are nuts if you think I'm gonna do that," he mumbled back, still flustered.

Jeno is getting bored watching Chenle play darts – he is really bad at it and fails miserably every time but won't give up on the dolphin plushie he wants. He should be the one playing, trying to win something cute for Jaemin and getting to see his wide smile.

"Shouldn't we go look for Jaemin and Donghyuck?" He suggests once Chenle is done playing.

Jisung shrugs. "They are probably fine."

"Yes, but you two are boring as fuck." Jeno snaps back, impatient, and Chenle gasps.

"What have we ever done to you, Jeno?" He says in a dramatic way.

"Yeah, stop hurting our feelings just because your crush is ignoring you." Jisung adds.

Jeno snorts, starting to walk in no particular direction. "Yeah, sure, let's go."

The fair is crowded with all kinds of people, so finding their friends is not easy. They look in all the rides, in the lines waiting for food and the toilets, but there is no luck. Jeno stands still, looking around him while Jisung and Chenle discuss where the other two could possibly be, and that's when he sees.

They are sitting on a bench, but they are not alone. Donghyuck has his legs resting on the lap of some guy he's making out with. He looks older from where Jeno is, but he can't really see and doesn't want to keep watching. Jaemin, on the other hand, is talking to other guy, who has an arm around his shoulders and a charming smile on his lips, and he's clearly too close for comfort – at least for Jeno's comfort, because his heart drops to the ground and every muscle in his body turns to stone. He wants to cry but he holds it in until he can manage to get his strength back, and then we starts walking the other direction.

He wants to leave, he doesn't care about what the others want to do, he _is_ leaving, with or without them. He isn't going to stay there and act like he hasn't seen anything, like it doesn't hurt to see Jaemin being close to another guy the way he is close to him. He thought he meant something to the younger, perhaps not much, but he felt they had something. So no, he can't help to be sad, he doesn't want to do anything that's not being sad.

"Jeno! Wait!" He hears, and he doesn't have to turn around to know whose voice it is, so he keeps walking out of the fairgrounds, steady. "Jeno!" The voice keeps screaming behind him.

He can hear the footsteps getting faster and closer, but he won't be bothered. Or so he thinks, until Jaemin grabs his hand and turns him around with an ease and strength Jeno didn't know he had.

"Jeno, are you deaf?" The younger asks, annoyed. "What's wrong?" He adds, and his expression softens inmediately, like every time he is mad and Jeno rests a hand on his thigh to let him know he's there.

The older shrugs, apathetic. "I don't know," is his answer, just a mumble loud enough only for the other to hear.

"You don't know?" Jaemin raises an eyebrow.

"Nope. You tell me. I thought..." Jeno rambles.

"You thought...?"

"I thought you liked me." Jeno spits out, suddenly looking at Jaemin in the eyes. The younger doesn't even flinch at the words. "I thought you liked me as much as I like you. Guess not."

"Who says I don't?" Jaemin doesn't even seem bothered by the whole thing, and it makes Jeno want to scream, shake his shoulders, but he doesn't.

" _You_ flirting with other guys says you don't." He snaps back instead. He's frustrated, he doesn't understand why he would flirt with others in the first place, but he doesn't understand why he is so calm about it either, like he hasn't done anything wrong.

"I wasn't flirting. He was just close to me. I don't like him. I only like you. But I couldn't just say no."

A frown sits between Jeno's brows, "why not?" He asks, and Jaemin only shrugs as an answer. Jeno clears his throat and mumbles, "sorry I'm an asshole."

Jaemin lets out a light, airy laugh and lets his hand slide from the wrist – he hadn't let go yet – to his hand, and then he intertwines their fingers, biting on his bottom lip. "I still like you, dummy. A lot. Never doubt that."

Jeno looks at Jaemin's face for a few seconds, pausing to appreciate how the neon lights of the rides reflected on it, to look at the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips, his eternal eyelashes. Then he looks at their hands tied together, like they were made to hold each other, and he can't help it.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.

If Jeno has ever seen Jaemin blush and choke on thin air before, he can't remember it. Knowing he has the same effect on the boy that the boy has on him is strangely rewarding, and warmth spreads across his chest.

Jaemin coughs, trying to clear his throat. "If you have to ask then, no, you can't," he retorts, clearly proud of the way he's teasing the older, proud of being in control again.

Jeno blinks twice, confused. "Wait, really?"

The younger laughs. "No, of course not, come here."

Jeno holds Jaemin's hand tighter and pulls him closer, resting his free hand on the other boy's cheek. Jaemin leans into the touch, closing his eyes, and Jeno admires his beauty once more before leaning in and lightly pressing his lips to the corner of Jaemin's mouth. He feels the younger smiling when he goes in for another brief peck, this time not missing the actual lips, and Jaemin raises his hand to curl his fingers in Jeno's hair, deepening the kiss and then biting the older's bottom lip. Jeno sighs, bringing Jaemin closer. His heart is beating so fast he is afraid it's going to break out of his ribcage, but he decides not to care about it and live in the moment, to hold the other boy as close as he can and kiss him until they are both out of breath, moving his hand from Jaemin's cheek to his neck, rubbing it with his thumb in a gentle way.

"I really, really like you," he whispers once they break apart, resting his forehead on the younger's, and Jaemin's response is a kiss on the tip of his nose and a shy laugh.

"I'm glad. I really, really like you too," he adds after a few seconds of staring from Jeno's lips to his eyes, and then to his lips again.

He may have not confessed at the ferris wheel, like Renjun suggested, but this wasn't that bad either, Jeno thought when they walked back to meet the others, hands linked together.

 

Being with Jaemin is something new to Jeno. He can't put the feelings into words, but he knows he likes the warmth in his tummy when he sees the younger for the first time in a day – or even when someone bring his name up, really, – the electrifying feeling when their hands brush against each other while they walk side by side, the way his hair smells, the way his lips taste.

What he doesn't like is the fact that every moment with Jaemin feels like a countdown, that vacation are nearly coming to an end, and that he'll hardly see the younger again – he has had to fight back the tears a couple of nights when his brain decided to ruin how good he was feeling.

"I'm leaving this weekend," he mumbles once, while they are looking for crabs and shells at the beach shore.

Jaemin, who is squatting so he can scan the sand easily, looks up to meet Jeno's gaze, but the older avoids his big eyes, fidgeting with the shells he is holding in his hand. "I know."

"You don't seem very sad about it."

"I- Jeno. We knew this wasn't going to last forever. Let's just live the moment, enjoy the time we're together. We'll figure everything else out when it's time, okay?"

So that's what they do. They go on hour-long walks at night, they talk about things that don't matter and things that keep them up at night, they jump off cliffs into the freezing cold water, always hand in hand, they kiss each other silly, and laugh until nothing makes sense anymore. And it's already Jeno's last day, and wishes summer was just starting, and curses himself for avoiding not doing everything sooner, for not hanging out with the group sooner – for not giving Jisung a chance sooner, – for being stubborn and dumb. But there is nothing he can do anymore.

"I'll call you as soon as I'm home," he promises Jaemin, who is hugging him with his arms tightened around his waist. Jeno can feel his shoulder a little damp from Jaemin's tears. "I'll visit you whenever I can. You can come over too. We'll be fine."

Jaemin nods as the older pats his hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"Yeah, we will."

Once the Lee's car starts moving, Jeno turns around to look at Jaemin one last time. He gathers all the strength he has left and shows him a bittersweet smile through the car window, waving. Even if it takes a million years, they are willing to wait for each other.

They really will be fine.

 

**Author's Note:**

> well hello there! it's been a while because this fic took me sooo long to write, i was never happy with its pacing and kept deleting and rewriting... i hope it was worth it and that you enjoyed! as always, don't forget to leave kudos and comments, i'd really love to hear from y'all^^  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/c0smicg4y) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/c0smicg4y)


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